Most of us live according to a model of give to get, and we color love the same way–if you love me I will love you; if you hurt me I will hurt you. But love is not a bargain. And nor is it the biological urge we so enjoy.
The journey into love begins as a selfish experience, it is a journey into the self. From there, the path continues toward recognizing and acknowledging the expectations we place on the other. With that seen, finally, the reality of the other will be exposed–the inescapable, undeniable fact of the other.
Love is the experience of accepting their inescapable reality just as they are.