The fortress of unworthiness is almost unassailable. Even if heard one hundred times that existence wants me (in fact I have heard my Master say so at least that many times), still the unworthiness belief remains intact. One has to experience the futility of the negative mind for oneself–just hearing won’t do. That is the work.
I have clamored to be worthy in the eyes of others and have effected strategies to achieve my ends. The search for wisdom is one such strategy. Humor has been another. But always, just beneath the surface a seed of destruction hides.
I have heard Osho say that the man whom others consider useless is a man standing at the doorway to freedom. Aging brings this point sharply into focus. For the first time I recognize I am not only irrelevant, but a drain on the social security system. My body trembles at this–an experience every professional athlete must encounter as their prowess diminishes.
We like to fight for, talk about, and demonstrate for freedom. But it seems that personal freedom actually arises when society is ready to discard us. In our childhood, before we joined club Society, we were free, and now that the club no longer wants its pound of flesh, freedom again returns.
There are two roads we can take. The negative road projects we are useless, irrelevant people, and a drain on resources. The other road, perhaps the road less travelled as Robert Frost wrote, offers a new perspective on Freedom.
Relaxing into uselessness may well be the beginning of restfulness.